what's new with you?

 It's a standard greeting.  But it never fails to make me feel so incredibly boring.  "Oh, not much- just life," or "Oh- you know- same ol' same ol'," are my two standard answers.  It's no ones fault, really.  Everyone needs some way to break the ice.  I always cringe upon returning to civilization after Thanksgiving/Christmas/Insert Event Here, because for the next two months I will have to repeatedly answer  "How was your Thanksgiving/Christmas/Insert Event Here?"  They're not inherently evil questions.  My issue with these queries stems from the motivation behind them.  Most people who ask don't really care about the answers.  They just need something to jumpstart a conversation, or worse, to prolong a dying one.  Why do they need them?  Because they don't really KNOW me.  Why don't they really KNOW me?  Because when we chat we ask each other questions (I am just as guilty of this, btw) like "what's new with you" and "how was your Christmas?"  Seems like a vicious, unstoppable cycle-no?  Well, lucky for you-I also have an issue with people who bring up a problem with society, yet offer no way to fix it.  Therefore, I have devised the perfect solution!  The next time you're in a social situation, try these conversation starters:

"did you know The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders! What's up with that?"

"hey, i just wanted to give you a heads up- Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!"

"you look great!  have you lost weight? During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food, that's the weight of about 6 elephants!"

"Ugh- my new roommate really creeps me out.  I wish I was a dolphin- they sleep with one eye open."

these are just suggestions- feel free to use your own.  I think we'll all get to know each other better and have fun doing it!

                                      photo by: andrew shepherd