...for now?

DO YOU BELONG IN NYC?
Yes, but sometimes you wish there were a better option.
You do love New York, and you fit in here better than you have anywhere else. You are committed to the city, and you take advantage of all of its amazing food, culture, nightlife and arts. But you have nagging doubts about this relationship. Spend your whole life here? Not sure about that. Sometimes you wonder about that farm in your fantasies or even just a smaller city. But in reality, you know there is nowhere better.

Do you belong in NYC?

I found this fun little quiz via my friend Bethany's blog. As I'm making a huge transition in the city right now, all of the above have become very apparent to me. I can handle the truth- and this quiz hit the nail on the head. I do love this city, but there are things I hate! I hate that I'm basically signing away my life so that I can experience living on my own for the first time. I hate that my family is so far away. I hate that I get super excited about free crap I don't need, just because it's free! But, the ominous "for now" statement...I'm not sure. I always feel like a fake when everyone talks about how much they love the city and can't imagine living anywhere else. I can. Gimme 10 seconds and I can name 10 other places I would be just as happy to live. But, I do love it here too. I love my friends here. I have built a life here and to just abandon it? Hmm... JR said something about a year ago that has really stuck with me (and has been great for my "flight instead of fight" personality). He said that a lot of people leave the city just to get out of it- to get away. Then, he said "God doesn't call people away from something- he calls you to something." Wow. That really hit me. If I left this crazy place, it would be to escape from problems or fears and anxiety.
Most of you know that I am moving to my own apartment. I would love your prayers right now. I experienced major panic attacks when I moved to the city, and now I'm seeing that I have extreme anxiety and fear about any sort of change. As my mom said this weekend, "Murph, fear is not of God. Fear is a lack of faith." She is so right. I'm working on it. I've had my good moments, and I've definitely had some pretty ugly, low moments. I would covet your prayers for peace and faith that God is going to work this for my good and His glory.